Zim's Problematic Life
by Lizzy733
Summary: Zim's worst nightmare has come true and trust me, humanity is definately not his favorite state of existence...
1. The Human Condition

Okay, this fic doesn't play around. It jumps right into the story theme, which is this picture The general plot is something horrible has happened to Zim! The picture should be a good indicant of that. I'd say about 90% of it is already written and I'm just finishing up on the last bit which means... On Time Updates! I've very proud of that piece of information. Now, I know the questions that haunt you... How did this happen? Who is behind it all? WTF were you thinking?! I dunno about the last one, but all the others will be answered... HAVE been answered, you simply wait for me to upload new parts.  
  
I disclaim this stuff. Blame Viacom and Jhonen for my overactive imagination.  
  
STORY STARTS NOW!  
  
Zim stared exasperated.  
  
"Don't you see something a little wrong with this Dib? I'm human! I'm hyooman!" Zim made it very clear what he was saying by emphasizing every single syllable. Dib, on the other hand, was having a bit of trouble with this and he wasn't really paying attention to the words coming out of his nemesis' mouth. The one thing that was on his mind was how pale Zim was. He was a pale flesh color, not green... and the pak that Dib had never seen him without wasn't present.  
  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were human." Dib stated bluntly, still staring in a mixture of shock and confusion. Zim glared at him darkly before waving a pair of five fingered hands in front of the boy's face.  
  
"That's what I've been saying! Have you not been listening to me?" Zim tapped his foot for a moment, waiting for Dib to respond.  
  
"Answer me!" he shrieked after allowing a few seconds to transpire. Dib blinked.  
  
"What do you want me to say Zim? You Look human? Is that it? Yes, you Look human, but you're still an alien from outer space, even if you did get a better disguise."  
  
"What Sadistic treachery is this? I have no new concealment! You must know something of this!"  
  
"No, really Zim I... "  
  
"LIES!"  
  
"I hadn't even said what I was going to yet. Geeze Zim, just calm down!"  
  
"How can you expect me to remain calm when I have just undergone some sort of species alteration... thing... which you claim you have no part in!"  
  
"I never said..."  
  
"So it IS your fault! I knew it! Change me back!"  
  
"I didn't do it Zim... really, though... you are starting to scare me..." Dib stared at the once Irken alien.  
  
Zim was shaking. He had been doing so ever since he noticed this incredible change. It had been a long night. Zim had spent it working on an ingenious smart bomb which, when triggered, would bore into the ground and cause a massive eruption upon reaching the earth's core which would create lava flows and earthquakes worldwide. The project was at least 182 hours from completion and Zim had been thinking of taking a break from the mentally trying labor. Skool was to start in only 3 hours and he saw no hurry in programming the weapon's longitudinal flight parameters and had decided to simply start it after attending class.  
  
With snack in hand, he hand ventured into his living room, in which he did little living, and sat down on the couch. He wasn't sure where Gir had gotten to, nor did he care. Zim simply sat, enjoying sugary goodness; that is until he somehow lost consciousness. He had no idea why or how, seeing as he had last slept a little over a month ago. When he did finally rouse from this lack of coherence, the first thing he had noticed was the time. Apparently a few hours had lapsed because instead of being an hour or so before skool, it was now almost two in the afternoon. With slight confusion, he had arisen and decided not to worry about the odd little nap. Zim returned to his work in the depths of his base. The first thing to confuse him was his computer's lack of response. The second was that when he reached the appropriate level, he was greeted by a barrage of lasers and his computer booming out that there was an intruder.  
  
As quickly as possible, Zim had scrambled up to address his system and demand it stand down, but was greeted with more unfriendly fire. Zim retreated into the elevator on the far side of the level and was very glad when the doors whirred shut behind him, blocking any laser fire. He really didn't care that the elevator had activated and was seemingly taking him to the ground level. That didn't matter. Zim cursed his computer for its ignorance in not being able to recognize its own master.  
  
It was then that a lock of hair had fallen into his field of vision. He laughed at it, and at himself, not thinking that the computer should have been able to discern between him and his disguised self. Zim made a grab for the wig and ripped it off. The only problem with this was that this wasn't a wig and had caused him a considerable amount of pain to attempt.  
  
He blinked and tried once again with the same results. After a third attempt at pulling the supposed hair piece off, Zim was panicking. At about this time, he had reached the floor level, where he was forcefully expelled from the kitchen garbage bin, causing him to fall awkwardly on his face. Zim wasted no time in scrambling up and pondering the location of a mirror, or any reflective surface to be precise.  
  
Zim mentally check marked the mirror that should be hanging in the upstairs hallway. He rushed the stairs and quickly made it up them, hurdling a giddy Gir who was rolling his way down. Zim rushed into the hallway, almost hitting the adjacent wall when he made the sharp corner. Finally, he had reached his destination and was able to glare into the glass. He had only been there for a second before he issued forth a loud scream...  
  
CHAPTER ENDS NOW!  
  
I've had people say that I make the first chapter too long, so I cut this one down rather short. Do tell me if you think I should lengthen them or keep them at a rather consistent rate. I just hate chopping up stories when they flow like this one has the entire time I've been writing it. Please, REVIEW? I'm asking nicely... 


	2. Dire Situation

I said timely updates, and lo and behold, here they are! I've decided length will depend on my finding a good cutoff point within the story. Here's the next installment of Zim's poor doomishness.  
  
You all know I don't own anything... why do you even ask?!  
  
BEGIN YOUR READENING!  
  
Gir sat at the base of the stairs, recovering from the dizziness he received from his tumble when Zim, zapped of strength, shakily made his way down, gripping for the wall the entire way.  
  
Finally, with a quick shaking of the head, Gir had recovered and looked up the stairs at the boy whose face was drained of any and all color.  
  
"You look like a ghost!" he squeaked innocently as Zim failed to support himself for the last few steps and bumped into a sitting position at the base.  
  
"Gir," Zim said, his voice doing nothing to hide his tension. "Do I look human to you?"  
  
"I don't know who you are!" he screeched, making extra emphasis on the ending. A few moments of silence passed for Zim, as Gir stood and looked him over like a new play thing. Eventually, the undisguised robot latched onto his leg, making an aah sound.  
  
"Dib!" Zim shrieked suddenly. "It must be His fault! Everything is his fault anyway! That's it. I'll just go to Dib and threaten him within an inch of his puny earth slug life if he doesn't undo whatever it is that he's done to me!" Zim remembered running out of his base, almost momentarily thinking to don his disguise. That really didn't help his current mindset...  
  
"ZIM!" Dib shrieked for the third time since Zim had apparently zoned out. The would-be alien shook his head, as well as his thoughts, before staring at the boy in front of him.  
  
"I can't live like this." He stated before once again losing the ability to stand and plopping down on the grass outside the skool where he met Dib; his nemesis had been in the process of going home. Dib didn't really know how to react to this. Zim really looked like he could burst into tears, or rip someone's head off at any moment, so the big-headed boy decided to proceed with caution.  
  
"Zim," Dib began, not abandoning his standing position, "I didn't do this and I really don't know what to do... so I'm going home. Bye!" Dib, who had been easing slowly in the direction of his house, suddenly bolted down the street, hoping Zim wouldn't follow him. Sure this was something that really perked his curiosity, but Dib wasn't a people person, nor did he want to be around anyone that freaked out. He'd wait till Zim calmed down before he tried to do anything to help.  
  
Help. That word stuck in his mind. Had Zim come to him for help? Dib shook his head.  
  
"That's not like him" Dib stated while slowing his gait. "He must really have lost it." This was when that part of Dib's mind that he really didn't like started acting up again. 'What would it be like if I somehow ended up as an alien? Would I act like that? Would I go to Zim for help?'  
  
"Nope!" the boy assured himself out loud, with a happy little smirk on his face. "Earth wins!" Dib said gleefully as he picked up his pace, wanting to get home and mull over what he should do about the current situation.  
  
Zim, on the other hand, was still sitting where he had been left. Part of him didn't even recognize that Dib had gone. Part of him hadn't even acknowledged Dib ever being there. Part of him really wanted to snap out of it. This part eventually won over as Zim's thoughts became less focused on that scared boy that had been staring back at him when he looked in the mirror and more aware of the grass carpet he now found himself sitting on.  
  
Zim blinked and looked around. He was at the skool. Hadn't Dib just been there? Yes. Had he just run off? Yes. Zim stood angrily and huffed as he made his hands into fists and stamped the ground irritably.  
  
"Hey Zim, is that you?" he heard someone question. He trained his vision up to see a handful of his classmates standing nearby.  
  
"Yeah, it's me alright." He stated through gritted teeth while staring darkly at the procession of children. He may have just spontaneously become human, but that's no reason he has to be forced to come to terms with it this early.  
  
"Wow! The green kid's not green anymore!" stated a particularly slow one.  
  
"And he's gots a nose and ears now!" came another.  
  
Zim, at this point, had ceased his listening and begun walking away. It didn't matter that the children were still directing statements his way, they had a short attention span anyway.  
  
"Yeah, but he's still weird though..." a popular one spoke.  
  
"Uhuh..." and with that, Zim was out of their conversations and able to ponder things now that his mind was clearing.  
  
'What am I going to do? If I could get the base to recognize me, I could have this thing cleared up in a couple of hours and be able to finish that earthquake maker by the weekend, but no... Ever since that one time when Dib tried to trick my computer into thinking it was okay if he came in, I told it to disregard any humans no matter what they said. I'm starting to regret that.' Zim had been walking the outside of the gate encircling the playground for a while now, and suddenly had his thoughts interrupted by a horrendously familiar laugh that, for some reason, he couldn't place right off.  
  
Zim snapped his mind away from his ponderings and scanned the area for the laughter's source.  
  
"Heey... who's there?" he snapped, which brought a halt to the laughter.  
  
"Who's theeere?" he reiterated after a few moments of silence. A slight rustling in a nearby tree and a squirrel plopped out from the thickly branches, twitching energetically on the ground.  
  
"Stooopid..." Zim glared, "laughing squirrels." Either human brains weren't as logical as Irken ones, or Zim was really having trouble focusing, because he walked on and away from the child torturing facility and on towards... where was he going again?  
  
He could threaten Dib to use Membrane's labs if he was desperate. It all came down to pride. During the whole bologna incident, it had been a bit different. He hadn't yielded, because he and Dib had both been afflicted, but this time it was just him.  
  
'Dib won't help me.' Zim thought. 'I'm his enemy. He has no reason to.'  
  
"But he can't resist if I threaten him with bodily harm" Zim chuckled.  
  
'Dib Will be helping me whether he likes it or not.' Zim now had a destination, though the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and rot away. This is precisely why he didn't.  
  
Not thinking about it made him think about that other it he had been avoiding. 'I'm a human,' Zim thought, thoroughly disgusting himself. 'What does that mean... that I'm human? I don't feel any different. That's good. If I did feel different, I'd probably still be back at my base using these, what are they called, vocal cords? Wait, no I wouldn't, because human or not, I am Zim and I am still amazing, though maybe not as amazing as before, but that doesn't matter because I won't be like this for long.' Zim's defiant smirk began to fade as paranoia and pessimism consumed his thoughts.  
  
"What if there is no cure for this human condition? What if I'm stuck like this? What if I'm never able to finish that smart bomb?!" Zim paused. Maybe it's better to think about groveling to the Dib...  
  
END OF DOOM  
  
I know not why it's an end of doom, but whatever... any guesses on who's the evil culprit yet? I need calm down a bit at Deviantart. Ever since I got an account there, I've been stressing my eyes like crazy. It's a funny thing though... and you can laugh... about the fact that I misspelled my nick there. Lizz733 instead of lizzy!! LAUGH NOW!! Now, be kind enough to review... or not... Trying for weekly updates! If I slack, just doom me in some fashion and I should get back on track. Bye!  
  
The Moose says, "Stare at my hooves..." 


	3. Who's to blame?

Wooh! It's update time again and I'm keepin' with this thingy! I feel so proud... This is an accomplishment! I think I'll celebrate by getting drunk! I lie kiddies... drinking... it be bad... especially for me... sooo... you get an update now!  
  
Disclaim: Why would I own this?  
  
BEGINNING!  
  
"Gaz!" Dib exclaimed upon entering his house. "You're never going to believe this!" He found his sister in the kitchen, preparing an after skool snack. She really didn't bother waiting when her brother hadn't met her to walk home from skool.  
  
"Whatever you're going to say, make it quick" she snapped while staring at the active microwave.  
  
"Zim's human Gaz!" he stated with much enthusiasm. Gaz grunted. "Do you know what this means?!" he requested, not understanding her lack of commitment here. "He can't take over the world if he's human!"  
  
"Why not?" she asked suddenly, catching Dib off guard.  
  
"Because if he... no... Well he'd have to... wait, that won't work either, but surely his leaders wouldn't..."  
  
"Time's up Dib" Gaz stated as she removed a bean burrito from the warming device and began to walk away. "You stop talking now."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No more talking, Dib" she forced through clenched teeth as she turned away from him and entered the living room.  
  
"Well... okay I guess..."  
  
"Sssshhh!"  
  
"Okay, Gaz!" Dib exclaimed as he suddenly heard a loud banging from outside.  
  
'Maybe Zim followed me after all. I wouldn't have expected him to get here so quickly.' Dib thought as he went for the front door.  
  
"I've got it Gaz!" he yelled to his sibling as he opened the door. There, just as he had expected, was Zim, huffing and leaning on the doorframe.  
  
"You Will be letting me in Dib stink! You will also be allowing me the use of your father's labs!" Zim snapped as he forced his way in the door, causing Dib to back up warily. After having cleared the threshold, Zim leaned against the end table near the door. "You wouldn't happen to have a refreshingly cold beverage around here anywhere would you?" Dib looked hesitantly at the weary boy.  
  
"Uhm, Zim? Don't you think that you should be looking for a cause instead of a cure?" Dib stated, hoping it didn't sound like he was insinuating procrastination. "I mean, you could find some big cure and change yourself back only to be human again a week later." Zim looked up at Dib. The stressfulness of the situation was evident.  
  
"I really could use that refreshing cold beverage now."  
  
"Uhuh..." Dib said, raising an eyebrow. He turned his back on Zim, walking towards the kitchen, when he got an ingenious idea. By the time he reached the sink, Zim had already treated himself to a seat at the kitchen table and rested his head in his arms, huffing dejectedly. Dib placed the glass right in front of him.  
  
Zim looked up to see the clear liquid and leaned back in his chair in response. Dib could have sworn he had seen Zim's pupils grow smaller at the sight of it.  
  
"That... substance... is not coming anywhere within a foot of my body" he stated surely.  
  
"Alright" Dib stated annoyingly. "But if you want something to drink, that's all we've got." Dib wanted to tack on 'for alien scum like you,' but found it in himself to fake a smile.  
  
Zim stared at the glass, his breath hastening slightly at the thought of what the Dib child wanted him to do. Zim gulped as he reached out to wrap his hand around the glass. He decided to handle it the way he'd been handling everything this day... just not think about it.  
  
Zim brought the glass up and took a quick sip of the substance...  
  
Nothing happened. Zim blinked.  
  
"Hey," he exclaimed. "This stuff isn't so bad when it's not burning out your insides." With that said, Zim took another sip, this time with more confidence, and replaced the glass on the table. About a minute of speechlessness went by.  
  
"Sooo... I need a cure." He stated in a business-like fashion.  
  
"Yep"  
  
"And my lab doesn't like me" he continued.  
  
"Yep"  
  
"And your lab isn't discriminatory"  
  
"but you're not using it" Dib cut in, which is often something he didn't have the guts to do, but he'd been thinking about what to say in retaliation to such things and it had just stuck.  
  
"What?!" Zim was looking a little more than perturbed at this moment and made a move to stand, but Dib beat him to it.  
  
"Did you think I'd just let you use my dad's labs so you can make yourself back into an Irken so you can take over the world?" Dib exclaimed.  
  
"Actually I was kinda..."  
  
"I'm not going to let you do that!" Zim stared, blinking. "You've been trying to take over the world since the day you got here and I've been trying to save it and now, you're finally in a position where you can't do anything and you think I'm just going to help you so you can incinerate all the humans and turn my home over to your leaders to be made into some thingy?!" Dib ended his rant huffing no less than Zim had upon entering his household.  
  
"Well...yeah, actually, I was kinda expecting that."  
  
"Well you're wrong Zim! I hope you're getting used to being human and all cause it looks like you're going to be staying that way for a really long time!" A look of abject horror crossed Zim's face as many a thought about all the negatives to being human filtered through his skull. Dib plopped back in his chair opposite Zim and propped his feet up on the table, while slinking lowly into his seat, not bothering to even look up at Zim.  
  
After a few moments of silence, Dib looked over to see Zim making an attempt at count something on his fingers.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked, his inquisitive nature drawn.  
  
"I'm just trying to contemplate how long I have to live."  
  
"Gee Zim, you're just a kid, I mean some humans live to be a hundred years old!"  
  
"A hundred?! I don't want to die that young!" Dib gave him a look of confusion. Zim noticed this and paused his freaking out to explain and did so in one sentence.  
  
"Let's just say, that if I was born a human, I'd have long since been dead and buried by now." Dib blinked. He'd have never suspected that Zim was really old, or an adult for that matter. To him, Zim had always been the kid alien that wanted to rule all mankind. Obviously, he had been greatly mistaken. And obviously, something about that zoned out contemplative look on Dib's face made Zim want to rant, because this happened...  
  
"I'm having a Bad day! First this humanity thing, then the computer shooting little laser thingies, the children, and those stupid laughing squirrels... and"  
  
"Zim, squirrels don't laugh." Dib interrupted. "What kind of laugh was it?"  
  
"It was one of those cackling type laughs, like Tak has," Zim said, complete with gesticulations. "But I can't think of..."  
  
"Tak!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said it sounded like Tak's laugh."  
  
"I did?" Zim froze up for a second. "I mean, of course I did because actually... it sounded Exactly like Tak's laugh!"  
  
"It must have been Tak!" Dib exclaimed.  
  
"Nonsense! I don't even think Tak's in this side of the galaxy. And even if she was, she wouldn't do something like this. It's too much not like something she'd do."  
  
"But what if she was Zim. Could the laugh have been anyone else's, I mean she does have a really peculiar laugh."  
  
"I..." Zim's speech was interrupted by two different forces. One was a doorbell ringing; the second was Gaz yelling for someone to go get it. Dib sighed and got up. Zim made to get up, paused, squinted an eye at his glass of water, picked it up for another quick sip, and replaced it before following Dib to the door.  
  
Dib opened the door only a crack and gazed out. When he saw who was conveniently standing there, he stared a bit shocked and allowed the door to come the rest of the way open of its own accord. Zim had caught up to Dib and was also looking at the intruder, or should I say invader, because Tak stood on Dib's doorstep, perfectly safe in her human guise which she, unlike Zim, could cast off at any time.  
  
"Hey, she looks just like..."  
  
"Tak" Dib completed for him, beginning to question Zim's mental integrity.  
  
"That's right" answered the uninvited foe. Zim stared, shock and confusion crossing his features.  
  
"Tak! What did you do to me?!" Zim asked with a growl. There came that laugh that Zim had such difficulty placing.  
  
"Last time I tried to do My job, it seemed you couldn't stay away from that little base of yours, and you see, I learn. This time I don't think your Base will be a factor." She grinned sadistically as she shoved Dib out of the entrance and swooshed in. "Besides, human" she said, letting her disguise dissipate right in front of Zim. He glared and would have hit her if she hadn't swiveled around out of his reach. "You'll be herded up just like all of the other slaves to be. I might not have been after revenge on my First campaign for earth, but I can assure that this time I want nothing more..."  
  
"Nooooo!" Zim exclaimed as he and Dib went for her in unison. This resulted in Tak's quick movement, leaving the two humans to merely run into one another and fall to a heap on the floor. With a final laugh, Tak made her poofy exit.  
  
ENDING!  
  
Did you guess who it was? YAY! RAMEN NOODLES FOR ALL! ... and it's chicken flavored...  
  
I love ramen, and I also love reviews... if you please. Thank you reviewers up to this point! You keep me from doing dumb things... like slamming my head into the mirror on the other side of the room. Thanks to your intervention, I merely hop up and down in front of it... 


	4. Gir's in this one!

I'M BACK!!! But... author person, you ask, Where have you been?! Well, I've been to Tampa, yes Tampa. ROADTRIP!!! 12 hours of continuous driving, alone, then I drove back! I went all the way to Tampa, and guess what I did besides exist? I watched adult swim... yup... that and some movie that I can't remember the name of... and I ate a hot bagel. That's about it! It rained on the way back. I like rain! But, the rain was so hard that I couldn't see the exit that would take me to Hot Topic on the return trip, so I didn't go. I said bleh. I had two hours of driving left before I would be back at my abode. But, now I am! And I can UPDATE!! YAY!  
  
Owneth NOT!  
  
*PICKING UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF*  
  
"So that's what this is all about!" Dib exclaimed, being the first to recover. "Tak wants revenge for what you did to her last time, and she's going to take over the world!"  
  
"Arg! I Hate that... Mongoose Head! I'm going to do horrible things to her insides! Horrible!" Zim quite literally looked like he should be in some padded cell at that moment. Dib really couldn't make anything out of the squishy gestures Zim was making, but felt the alien was justified. Tak really did deserve all the hate she... well... deserved.  
  
"We have to stop her." Dib stated seriously.  
  
"And return me to my Irken... ness." Zim declared in the same serious nature Dib had adopted.  
  
"No Zim. I already said I wasn't helping you. You're just as evil as she is... though, this is pretty bad on the evil scale and you're really kinda undeserving... but you'd still pick up where she left off when this is over and I won't help you do that." Zim stared, wondering how anything, human or not, could be so stubborn.  
  
"Fine!" he demanded. "Then I won't help you save the world." Dib's eyes bulged from his large head.  
  
"How can you say that?!" Dib snapped. He obviously felt very strongly about this. "Do you want to be a slave too?!" Zim tried not to wince. He had to admit, what Tak had planned was the ultimate slap to the face, but Dib was pissing him off. He couldn't work with someone like that. Zim had made up his mind then and there. He'd have to try and convince his computer to recognize him. He'd much rather attempt the impossible and get his specie status back.  
  
"Goodbye Dib! If you won't help me, then I'll just have to help myself!" Zim slammed the front door to Dib's house with himself on the outside and began stalking his way homeward.  
  
"Stupid Tak, stupid Dib!" Zim walked down the sidewalk, hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Stupid Squirrels!" he managed to yell at an innocent pedestrian squirrel as it inspected a nut at the base of its tree. The creature looked at him lopsided. Zim walked on unperturbed.  
  
"The computer will have to recognize me! I am amazing and only Zim is amazing. Except that one time when it didn't recognize me, but that was different. I was becoming meat. Now I'm... something that's probably even harder to convince it that I am not, but I will prevail! I must... I must..." By this time, Zim was staring at his walkway, and turned onto it. The gnomes lit up like Christmas. What pretty red colors, well... if you weren't the one being targeted. Zim looked at them uneasily. At least he had changed their programming to where they only shot Dib on sight.  
  
Making it to the door, Zim had already thought of the perfect way to gain entry to the top level of his abode. The door was locked, he noted, so he rang the doorbell and waited. After a few seconds the door was opened.  
  
"Gir I have tacos" he stated as he walked past the robot, decked out in doggy guise. The mere utterance of the word tacos was enough to make his second line of defense quite literally welcome him with open arms.  
  
"You!" the robot squealed. "I rememberded you!" Gir quickly latched onto the boy's leg.  
  
"Yes," Zim stated, "but you have No Idea that I am your Remarkable master Zim do you?" The robot continued to hug his leg as if not even hearing his utterance.  
  
"Gir, do you know Who I am?" Zim tried again.  
  
"You're this leettle human boy, but you don't have a big head and you were on the stairs then you weren't and then I huggded you and then... then... where are my tacos?"  
  
"Gir something Horrible has happened to me! For I am Zim. Did you hear me? I'm Zim." Gir looked up to him for a moment.  
  
"Master?"  
  
"Yes Gir, your master."  
  
"He's not in right now." Zim sighed.  
  
"No, I am your master! Mee!"  
  
"You Zim?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You not Zim!"  
  
"Oh but I am..."  
  
"Master all green, like celery! You no celery." Gir was, at this point, pointing.  
  
"My name is Zim, Gir. I am Zim. I am your Master. You are my slave bot. Tak did this to me and now not only does she want my job, but she wants me to be a slave like one of those horrible humans!"  
  
"You'sa human."  
  
"But only because of Tak!"  
  
"You're Zim?" Zim gave up, but still put in a final nod, hoping it would do him some good.  
  
"Yay! Master come hoome!" Gir immediately tackled Zim to the ground who was now attempting to get over the shock of Gir figuring something out. Zim leaned up with a heh.  
  
"Where are my tacos?"  
  
"You will get your tacos Gir, but only when I am back to my old self!" Zim exclaimed as he stood, causing Gir to fall to the floor.  
  
"Old what?"  
  
"Self"  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Computer! Speak to Zim!" This utterance was followed by silence.  
  
"I demand you speak to your master!" ...  
  
"Computer!"  
  
"What?! I don't even know you, and I don't know how you got into the house level, but if you want to stay there then leave me alone."  
  
"But... I am Zim! I know there's no real way to tell that right now, but I assure you I am Zim."... Angry with waiting, Zim stamped his foot.  
  
"Computer! I demand you allow me entrance to the lab! I must develop a cure!" Zim paused as he heard a whirring of gadgets, and before he could react was picked up by a large robotic arm coming from the ceiling.  
  
Zim struggled, but was forcefully ejected from the house, landing face first on the concrete. That hurt a lot. Gir walked out to where he lay and waited as he weakly got up.  
  
"Where are my tacos?"  
  
"Yeah Gir, let's go get tacos and when I'm back to my Old Self again, remind me to Erase the House computer's Brain!" Zim dusted himself off, and with his leftover dignity, marched the rest of the way to the sidewalk, slowly being followed by four pair of glowing optics and a robot in a green dog suit.  
  
*LEAVING OFF HERE BACAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME*  
  
Well, that's your cut and paste for this chapter! I'd say you're about a third of the way through the written part by now... there's SO much MOOOORE...  
  
The moose wants you to shave his head!  
  
... don't ask me; how am I supposed to know why?  
  
Look, he just told me to tell you that! I don't know why, I'm just a compliant Mooch! What more do you expect from me, sheesh!  
  
If you have a problem with it, inform the moose! I will not be your arbitrator of doom meats!  
  
... I really need some earl grey right about now...  
  
*FALLS UNCONSCIOUS* 


	5. Once Alien Thingy

What? No intro?  
  
*BEGINNING OF STORY!!*  
  
Zim exhaled darkly. So far his life as a human had been an unpleasant experience. He had been emotionally distraught, shot at, exhausted, humiliated, wounded, wounded again, kicked out of his own house, and who knew what horrors awaited him at the taco place. It could have been worse. Gir could have demanded pizza.  
  
"Yep, I sure would like me some death!" Zim said in a mockingly happy tone. On the way to this place, his stomach had growled and Gir had made a startling exclamation that he was hungry, so here Zim sat... with a taco out in front of him.  
  
"It's so... greasy" he stated nervously.  
  
"It's good!" Gir exclaimed while choking down one of his own. Zim had been having good luck with the 'don't think about it' philosophy, so he went with that. It wasn't that bad... though he'd rather be drinking water. It had this curious effect on him... making him thirsty.  
  
After finishing their meal, which took a startlingly long time, seeing as Gir needed much of this food, Zim was once again struck with the question of where to go. He decided meandering was the best bet, though he really wanted to be at home right now. Zim didn't think the gnomes would be so passive if he were to go back.  
  
A long quiet walk, with Gir innocently tugging against him the entire time was Zim's chance to clear his mind. This was something strange to him. Irken's minds are never blank. Even when taking a quarterly nap, they could still process and plot the many questions that were left unanswered when they began their rest. After much walking, Zim had found himself passing a playground and the mere sight of it was enough for Gir to squee with some assimilated joy.  
  
Allowing Gir off his lead, Zim walked over to a merry-go-round (one of those little run around ones.. you know the type..) and simply laid back in the center of it. It was now twilight and there was a large moon hanging overhead. There were only a few stars though, as clouds spanned most of the sky. Zim simply stared at the increasingly dark scene.  
  
He was beginning to enjoy this mind quieting thing, really wishing he had the skill back when he was traveling to earth. But humans don't travel in space. Zim stared at the globules of light.  
  
"Kiss that life goodbye Zim" he said, talking to himself. "The only space traveling you'll be doing is in the cargo case of a transport ship." He was shaken from his musings when the merry-go-round moved... quickly... Zim grabbed hold of a pole to keep himself from sliding off the old contraption.  
  
Gir then joined him for the ride. Zim stared at the robot until the piece of playground equipment finally ceased its motion.  
  
"What was the purpose of that?" Zim asked sharply.  
  
"To make like we're dizzy and see the stars move." Zim eyed the supposed dog, who for a moment became increasingly agitated. Zim quirked a brow.  
  
"Master don' like if I stay out late and I gotsta go home now so byesies!" Gir hopped off the contraption and giggled as he ran into the prevailing night. Zim blinked and stared after him.  
  
Zim knew there really was no use in stopping him. The only ones that knew he was the alien Zim were Tak and Dib. Tak, being the bitch and Dib, being the ... well, other bitch... but not as bad as Tak was. Zim knew to go to his house would mean incineration on the doorstep, likewise to go to Dib's would mean giving in. He still wouldn't help Dib, or at least not make it evident... but he couldn't stay here all night. Zim swallowed what little pride he had left and wondered how to maintain his dignity on this one.  
  
An hour later found him in front of Dib's house and he stared at the door as he remembered doing once before when he wanted to use Dib's scope. He had been rejected then. Zim paused and rang the doorbell. He waited. The door to the house swung open to reveal Dib's sister, glaring in that way she always does.  
  
"What do you want Zim?" she asked rashly. She hadn't seen him as a human yet, but it seemed to phase her no less than with anything else.  
  
"To..."  
  
"Gaz! Is that Zim?" he heard from within the house and then witnessed Dib running down the stairs. Gaz stood unmoving for a moment before retreating from the door to go back to whatever it was she had been doing.  
  
"Zim, where have you been?" Dib asked, as if he was supposed to have been somewhere important.  
  
"Home... and other places..." he stated blandly, making his entrance. "Which, as you can probably already guess, is why I'm here."  
  
Zim walked past Dib and made his way into the kitchen, obviously looking for something.  
  
"What are you looking for?" Dib questioned, following him in.  
  
"Water..." Zim paused. "I need sustenance!" he exclaimed. "Oh why are your human bodies so pathetic?! I could go months without food, now I can't seem to go ten minutes." Dib noted that Zim still wasn't taking this well.  
  
"Uhm... we have pizza!" Dib said.  
  
"My pizza?" Gaz asked from her place in the living room.  
  
"Maybe we don't have pizza..." Dib changed.  
  
"... look, Zim, it's a good thing you showed up, because I've been working out this plan and..."  
  
"I already told you I'm not helping" Zim said, not only breaking Dib's line of thought, but also bringing down any jovial façade he had been hiding behind.  
  
"What do you mean didn't come to help? Then what are you doing here?!"  
  
"Foolish Dib, even I know that humans operate on a 25 hour cycle (tis true) and need to spend at least 8 of those hours in a state of unconsciousness!"  
  
"Get out!" Dib snapped.  
  
"But I don't have anywhere else to go..." Zim stated, saying what he had hoped to avoid. There went pride... and self respect... Zim was practically loathing himself right now... Dib almost dropped his jaw. Zim was... pathetic. He never thought he'd see his enemy like this.  
  
Zim waited for a response as Dib clenched his teeth and glared. "Only tonight, then you'll have to find some other place to stay. I don't want any once alien thingys living in my house!" Zim blinked... so did Dib. He hadn't realized how harsh that must be. Zim sighed and went back to his looking.  
  
"Glasses are in the first cabinet, water's in the faucet." Dib stated blandly as he left the room. Zim quirked a brow and got his water, taking a long sip of the clear fluid.  
  
*ENDING*  
  
Ooh.. I think we're almost to the part where I stopped on that first day of writing... As always.. I'm a poor artist and have no ownership of these characters... moose ... r/r or something.. yeah... 


	6. Taking Action

New Chapterness... myup...  
  
*STARTING*  
  
With nothing else to do, he retreated into the living room, where Gaz sat on the couch playing her most recent first person shooter game. Zim sat in a chair off to the side, water in hand and watched quietly.  
  
"You're staying the night?" Gaz practically seethed, not ceasing her game play.  
  
"I am."  
  
"Dib!" Gaz exclaimed with a growl, still her game play remained unperturbed.  
  
"What?" he called from upstairs.  
  
"Why is Zim staying here?"  
  
"I could answer that, Gaz..." Zim stated from his seat.  
  
"Alright..." she snapped, pausing her game to turn and glare at him.  
  
"I... kinda don't have anywhere else to go..." Zim's poor ego was really taking a bashing, or at least in his mind it was.  
  
"Why not go home?" She asked, resuming her game.  
  
"I do believe that would end in my incineration."  
  
"Then you should go home." Zim looked at Gaz. She's really spiteful for some reason. Zim continued to sip his fluid beverage and watch Dib's spooky sister play her game, that is until Dib came hopping down the stairs.  
  
"Zim, I just thought of something." Zim quirked an eyebrow while Dib gestured for him to follow back upstairs. With an exhale, he finally did. Upon reaching the top of the stairs and out of earshot of those that would seek to cause them physical harm, Zim was prepared to hear whatever it was Dib was going to say, state a plain no and return downstairs.  
  
"Whatever this thing was that Tak used to make you human... it must have been a little dangerous for her to make without having a cure, incase she infected herself." Zim pondered this for a moment. Dib must have been desperate for help.  
  
"Then again, she might have known that I would seek out any cure she might possess, and destroyed it once I had safely been infected." Zim blinked. "Wait, I'm giving her far too much credit. She probably never made any serums or cures. It was a one way ticket, my one way ticket... to doom."  
  
"How can you be so pessimistic?! You're just letting her win if you sit back and do nothing!"  
  
"She's already won Dib! If you haven't noticed, I'm not happy! That was her goal: to make me as not happy as... humanly... possible!"  
  
"I've stopped you plenty of times Zim, it's not like she's indestructible! If you'd stop with this... thing you're doing, and help me, maybe you'd be able to get her back!"  
  
"How Dib?" Zim stated doubtfully.  
  
"I'll show you!" Dib exclaimed and went running into his room. Zim really didn't want to follow, but did in the long run. From the very second he walked in that room, Zim was creeped out, all those comics, and magazines, and posters, and plastic glow in the dark stars! They were everywhere. Dib was typing away at his little primitive computer, which quickly began cycling a series of photos. Dib turned to Zim and pointed at the screen enthusiastically. As Zim made his way over, the screen changed and a black window popped up. It was apparently monitoring radio waves.  
  
"And this tells me what?" Dib glances at the screen and huffs angrily.  
  
"That's SETI@home... Sorry, it must want to log on."  
  
"What's that?" Zim asked, a little more than confused.  
  
"Nuthin'" Dib stated quickly as he closed the application. "There!"  
  
"Surveillance?"  
  
"Of Tak's base!" Dib exclaimed with delight.  
  
"How many of these surveillance things do you have in My base?" Zim questioned.  
  
"But look at this... camera #32..." Dib clicked a few buttons, causing camera 32's display to go fullscreen.  
  
"See? I dunno about you, but that looks like a biogenetics mark..." You know these things when you're the child of an ingenious scientist.  
  
"That's because it is a biogenetics symbol. It also says Testing Lab over the door."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Simple! I'm not illiterate!" Dib nods. He didn't know much about freaky Irken languages, and wasn't really keen to find out.  
  
"So are you going to help?" Dib asked expectantly.  
  
"Help you save the earth? I think not, though this does spark my interest..."  
  
"Look Zim, I'm going to break in tonight. Are you coming or not."  
  
Part of him was saying why not, while the other was proclaiming Sleep! Zim really didn't like this difference in opinion, especially in his own brain. It must have been a human flaw. He really wasn't sleepy at the moment. He contemplated, thinking it must be whatever rational side of a brain he had reminding him that humans sleep and that he would need to do that later in order to function properly. He didn't feel tired right now.  
  
"Alright" he said at last. "But not to help you! I am attending only to investigate into this matter further. Don't expect my help in any saboteur thingys you might be planning."  
  
"Okay." Dib got up and opened his closet, pulling out a trench coat from his plethora therein and tossed it at Zim. "Put this on."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's cold outside and that shirt thing you always wear is kinda loud..."  
  
"It makes no noise!"  
  
"Just come on." Dib began to ponder over what he was doing. Zim would get to see his infiltrating tactics up close. He'd probably end up regretting this in the long run.  
  
A few minutes later, both trench coat clad boys made their way downstairs and passed Gaz, heading out the front door.  
  
"See you in the AM Gaz!" Dib exclaimed as they went by.  
  
"Hopefully not." She never was much of a motivational speaker.  
  
"Where is Tak's base anyway?"  
  
"In a warehouse downtown... near some playground."  
  
"Playground?" Okay, so Zim is at this moment devoid of dignity. Self loathing is at an all time high! "I really hate existence Dib." Zim stated.  
  
"What now?"  
  
'What now?' Zim thought. 'Am I turning into some kinda whiny bitch?! Zim is no whiny bitch!' The look of determination that suddenly came across Zim's face confused Dib greatly, but nevertheless, he had decided that what ever it was, it would be best not to ask.  
  
*ENDING*  
  
You like? Yes, no, moose? 


	7. Stuff Happens

*GASP* I forgot to add this yesterday... Ah well, here's the next part...  
  
*Let's get started shall we?*  
  
They continued on to the warehouse, which had indeed been next to the playground where Zim had spent a good bit of the evening in self loathing. To make it a bit worse on him, Dib decided the best mode of attack was to go through the playground, it having plenty of cover and all. They were now on the edge of the playground, but at 1am, there should be anyone out and there was a definite squeaking coming from one of the many contraptions therein. Dib quickly pulled out night vision goggles.  
  
"Someone's on the merry-go-round" he said quietly. Zim paled. Good thing it was night, couldn't really tell that all the blood had left his face. That sadistic laugh again. Zim gulped.  
  
"What's the matter Zim? Afraid the only space traveling you'll be doing is in the cargo case of a transport ship? Well, you're right you know."  
  
"Tak!" Zim exclaimed, running forward. It had been so easy for her to lure him out. Dib had soon followed and now she was going to have a little fun.  
  
"I suppose you're looking for this then..." At this point, Tak, standing on the merry-go-round, brought a syringe from behind her back. Zim froze in place, eyes intent on that one thing...  
  
"I know you don't like being human Zim. I heard you! Didn't know there was a counteragent did ya? Well here it is." Tak held her hand out, promising. "Come on... you know you want it..."  
  
He couldn't take anymore Zim ran forward, quickly as he could and made a grab for the needle, but Tak snatched it away at the last second, taking to the air and dissipating in her sinister laughs.  
  
Zim stood sternly near the slowly twirling play thing.  
  
"I'm starting to not like that laugh..." he stated, doing the best he could to hold his emotions in.  
  
Dib still wanted to break in, gotta love his enthusiasm... Zim wanted to do that crawling into a dark hole thing again, but was sadly dragged along for the ride. While Dib quietly drilled at an outdoor window, Zim casually commented.  
  
"You know she's watching us right now..." The hinged opening finally gave and Dib slid it out of the way, going inside. Zim followed. Dib exaggeratedly slunk to the wall while Zim simply followed along behind him, making no ridiculous attempt at stealth.  
  
"Would you stop that?" Dib stated a bit louder than he had meant to.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry Dib! Did I blow the element of surprise since she already knows we're here?!" That was Zim yelling. Dib looked around panicky, expecting something to happen. When nothing did, he gave Zim and evil glare and proceeded.  
  
Zim was starting to figure out why Dib always wore one of these jackets. He was already utilizing the pockets and the overall feel of the thing was something unique. Plus the wind blowing effects were just plain neat. Zim continued on, hands in pockets and began to whistle, a spiteful act against Dib.  
  
Dib decided that Zim would surely stop if he just ignored him. Zim wasn't in a good mood and wanted everyone to know it. The fact that he was whistling the national anthem was something that struck Dib as odd. Maybe he was doing it to perturb Tak, or maybe he was trying to be ironic... It was still odd.  
  
"Ya know Dib, maybe we should just walk right up to Tak... Hello Tak? Would you just stand there a minute so I can blow your head off? Think she'd fall for that on..." Zim was cut off before finishing when Dib slammed him up against a wall. Dib glared with all the malicious intent and spite he could.  
  
"Why don't you just go look at what you came for instead of following me all night?" he snapped.  
  
"Because there won't be anything there."  
  
"There might. You won't know unless you go look."  
  
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Dib tightened the grip he had on Zim's throat.  
  
"I think you are. I thought you wanted me to come along." Dib released his hold and began to walk away.  
  
"Just cut it out." Dib walked on, almost surprised when Zim didn't follow, but Zim had his own problems. He seemed to be more unstable since becoming human and it was beginning to bug the hell outta Dib.  
  
*K, done*  
  
Ooh... note to people... I've finished renovating Lizzy733.net!! I'm happy about this... yup! 


	8. A Long Night

Here's your update! *Goes off to listen to her new Frontline Assembly cd*  
  
*STUFF STARTS HERE!!*  
  
Zim waited till Dib was out of sight before proceeding. It didn't take long for him to find the location of camera 32. If Dib had spent any time studying the Irken language, he might notice that in Irken facilities, all the areas were coded and marked throughout the structure, just like those fire escape maps. The first thing Zim did was disable lucky #32. Tak could see him on that. Any other cameras in the area were soon to follow.  
  
Zim now abandoned his casual demeanor and quietly hunted the sector for anything that would be useful. Dib was right. Getting Tak back would be much sweeter.  
  
"I'll turn her into a moose..." Zim snarled as he went through the various stations. At one point, Zim came across a few useful gadgets, allowing him to make full use of those jacket pockets. He knew the cure wouldn't be here and he felt that somehow, something was wrong here. Tak was just letting them plunder her base.  
  
Zim knew it had to be a trap, he'd just have to keep his eyes open for the trigger.  
  
Dib had been scouring the base for anything prominent for the past hour, finding nothing.  
  
'The place had to be vacated,' Dib thought. It was beginning to worry him that Zim had run off. He wasn't known for his sanity, and could do something endangering.  
  
"Hello human Dib." He turned towards the sound of Tak's voice and was greeted with her form, standing not twenty feet away.  
  
"You know, you're going to be on the first transport ship off this filthy rock. I think I'll have them send you to a genetic testing lab. I know a handful of scientist who are always happy for more experimental subjects." When she grinned at Dib, he wondered if it was Zim he needed to be worried about.  
  
"Zim will love the life I've picked out for him. He'll never be leaving this planet again."  
  
"He'll love that!" Dib lied. He didn't know what he was doing, but anything to disrupt Tak's plan would be nice.  
  
"What?" Tak asked, walking forward slowly.  
  
"I think he's starting to like being human!" Dib exclaimed.  
  
"Is that so?" she asked, sweeping around to circle the boy. "I'm sorry but I beg to differ. Zim loathes his current state. You're lying! Do you know what is done, to slaves that lie?" Dib glared.  
  
"They get their verbal apparatus removed."  
  
"It's good that I'm not a slave then," Dib stated. This didn't seem to settle well with Tak. She glared at the boy, leaning in close.  
  
"I haven't forgotten the part you played in my defeat, human." Tak turned and stalked away, pivoting at the last and exposing something very important to one non-Irken boy.  
  
"And don't forget to tell Zim I'm waiting." Tak disappeared in her poofy way, which was really beginning to annoy.  
  
Dib had found nothing... all this searching for nothing. He hadn't even gotten a plan out of Tak. Dib kicked a cable out of fury. The thing became dislodged and flipped around like a dying snake, sparking dangerously.  
  
"Dib!" he looked up to see Zim, a few levels above him, glaring down.  
  
"Are you done looking through the nothingness that is here?"  
  
Ten minutes later found Zim on the playground, sitting in the middle of the slow moving merry-go-round, awaiting Dib's arrival.  
  
"She's waiting for you, ya know."  
  
"Yeah" Zim stated, hopping off the contraption and following Dib on his march homeward. "Hope she's ready..." Dib looked over to see Zim, in the gait he had adopted for the evening, head down, hands in pockets... general mopiness trot.  
  
Dib looked up, a thought coming to his mind. "We have skool tomorrow!" Zim didn't even want to contemplate that at the moment. He'd just skipped one day, though unintentionally; he could skip another. He now possessed the best disguise in the universe and really didn't care about the consequences.  
  
"I'm not going" he stated plainly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"They're not going to declare me an alien if I don't show up, therefore I choose not to."  
  
"But skool's important!"  
  
"To learn how to skin meese? I think not."  
  
"That's moose, and that lesson did seem kinda meaningless, but it's needed if you want to further your education."  
  
"Are you saying that I need earth education? My education is better than any your puny institutions can teach!"  
  
"Yeah, well... you should still go." Zim didn't say anything else. Why would Dib want him to stay in that place? It must have been so he'd have to suffer right along.  
  
Finally that silence was broken by their reaching Dib's home. Inside, all the lights were off. Gaz was most likely asleep upstairs. Most people are doing that at 4am. (but me.. I'm special)  
  
"You can sleep on the couch" Dib stated, walking towards the stairs.  
  
"So I just sit here... till this sleep thing happens..." Zim said, plopping down.  
  
"Pretty much, yeah..." Dib retreated upstairs. "Night Zim."  
  
"But... it's morning..."  
  
"Goodnight Zim!"  
  
Zim pulled off his gloves as Dib ascended the stairs, flexing all five fingers experimentally and laid down. He then forcefully grabbed a nearby pillow and placed it under his head. Many would think Zim to start twiddling his thumbs with boredom, but they are wrong for next, Zim proceeded to lean up and spin around to punch the pillow several times in its center, cursing it on being a stupid stiff decorative pillow. He then resorted to twiddling his thumbs...  
  
*Endeded*  
  
Hi thar? How ya been? The canary didn't get out again did it? That's nice to hear... Good luck with the FLOGGING!!  
  
Chao: Lizzy733 (entertained by the voices in her head) 


	9. School Day

An update, an update! I've decided to do this story like I did ZTHI and put the chapters out on lizzy733.net EARLIER than here at fanfiction, that means that while you're reading chapter #9, chapter 10! will be out on my website! Spiffy huh? Anyway, I haven't done it for a while and just to clarify things, I own the characters of Invader Zim NOT! Viacom holds all those rights and stuff. Now... READ!!  
  
*here beginneth the story*  
  
It had only been a few hours, but Zim hadn't slept most of it anyway, when the sun rose. Dib and Gaz were both downstairs readying themselves for class. It was that incessant noise they were making that finally found Zim slowly regaining coherence.  
  
Zim curled himself into a tight little ball on the couch. He didn't quite fancy more mental torture and assumed it would be better to just sleep and never wake up, especially since he didn't seem to be afflicted with that dream thing humans are always complaining about.  
  
"Zim" Dib stated, looking at the boy lying on his couch. Zim pondered how Dib could seem so awake after only a short time of this rest. He grumbled a reply that came out as no discernable words.  
  
"You know, Tak's probably going to be at skool today." Zim leaned up. Tak was evil enough to do it. He stared at Dib vacantly and then went in search of a bathroom.  
  
After doing that eminent release thing, Zim found himself staring at his own reflection for quite some time. He seemed intent on doing this until he was forcefully removed from the room by Gaz, who grabbed him by the earlobe and shoved him out the door. Zim brought a hand up to rub his sore ear before making his way to the kitchen.  
  
With a newly acquired glass of water in hand, he sat at the table.  
  
"What is the importance of this knowledge... that Tak will most likely be attending the skool today?" Zim questioned when Dib came walking in.  
  
"I don't know, just thought you might want to mess with her" he shrugged, going for the toaster.  
  
"Mess with her?"  
  
"Yeah, like throw meat and stuff..." Zim raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Like those lowly tricks you found joy playing on me." Dib shrugged.  
  
"You know all her weaknesses." This was true. Zim hadn't thought about it before, but this planet was a little less hazardous to himself now. This made it very dangerous for Tak.  
  
"Well I hope it rains."  
  
'Okay' Dib thought. 'So Zim's not a morning person.'  
  
"Rains down upon her head... dooming rain..."  
  
"You know, when I looked out my window this morning it did look like rain" Dib pondered aloud. There's a look of hope, something that Zim's face had been devoid of for a while now. Gaz, took this time to enter the kitchen.  
  
"It will rain" she stated surely.  
  
"How do you know?" Dib asked.  
  
"I know."  
  
'Gee Gaz, it's not like your some kind of meteorologist' he thought to himself, but went into it no further. His sister was strangely accurate when it came to violent changes in the weather.  
  
"And if you don't go to skool Zim, you won't get to see Tak's suffering!" Zim had to admit, there was nothing he wanted to see more at the moment and seeing as how his current situation left him unafflictable...  
  
"Alright I'll go. Seeing Tak in pure misery sounds like a good thing for a change." Gaz groaned.  
  
"He's coming to skool with us?" It seemed this tormenting state that is her life was incessant. Seriously, the only ones deserving of raining doom would be her brother, for being annoying, and Zim, for the same reason. Tak was annoying and deserving of doom as well, but she wasn't here at the moment to warrant her own destruction.  
  
Gaz stole Dib's toast. Dib glared at her before making himself some more. Zim sipped his water. Finally, all the preparations for skool had been made and the trio walked onwards to child torture facility #2 in their lives, probably #23 or so in Zim's but that was irrelevant. Storm clouds were indeed accumulating on the horizon and, for the first time since becoming human, Zim was almost giddy with delight over the possibilities... what he could do...  
  
Upon reaching the facility, a fine mist began to fall. Zim smirked as he happily looked to the sky. Too bad classes are indoors, because as soon as he entered the room, his eyes met with Tak's. She was sitting idealistically in the chair behind Dib's and smiled darkly when the once- invader entered the room. Zim did the only thing he could do... glare with all his might to do so.  
  
'She can't taunt me in front of the other meat sacks, doing so will only reveal her to them!' Zim smiled, and from the other side of the room, Tak stared daggers. Obviously smiling wasn't something she wanted him to be doing, so he did it again, this time a nice toothy grin directed right at her.  
  
He was wrong about the whole taunting thing though, because a note that had slowly been filtering around the room, finally came to his desk. It was folded in that way all concealed notes are and read 'Love Tak' in big letters on the front. This was the first time Zim got to experience that sinking feeling in his gut. Zim was first utterly confused on how to open it, and ripped a side in the process, but was finally able to read what was inside.  
  
The page, covered in Irken text, read this: Zim, as you probably already know, this is from Tak. Hi human, you do realize that... that you're human right? You know, despite what the popular opinion may be around here, I wasn't lying when I said the Tallest didn't like you. They don't. Just thought you should know that. Enjoy your freedom while you still can! ~Tak  
  
Zim wadded the paper up, making a big show of it and mouthed the word 'lies' to Tak from across the room who grinned contentedly.  
  
Most of the morning went by like this, with both sides exchanging evil glares. Outside, the rain was beginning to pick up and this only led to thoughts of Tak melting like the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz, but since Zim had never seen that movie, he couldn't make the comparison. He could only contemplate a gory death.  
  
Time crawled by and lunch was nearing. The teacher, who had finalized her lecturing for the day, was busy giving out assignments.  
  
"You!" She exclaimed while demandingly pointing at a pathetic fool.  
  
"Me?" Poonchy asked meekly.  
  
"You must write a 1000 word essay on why your life is miserable, due at the end of class" she hissed.  
  
"Uhm... okay."  
  
"You!" another unfortunate soul... "You must write a 1000 word essay on why Poonchy's life is miserable, due at the end of class." The child blinks.  
  
'A thousand words, HA! The torments of Zim would need much more!' Zim contemplated. 'The very horrible existence that I have come to know as my own is an incessant torturing thing full of misery and incessant... uhm... torture.'  
  
"And the rest of you can write on ways to die alone in a world devoid of oxygen" the snarly woman said in conclusion. "Now, all of you, remove yourselves from my classroom."  
  
*here endeth the story*  
  
soo... what DO you think? I'm still in the already written stuff and the little bar on the side of my word document is a little over half way... creepy, yes? Anyway... Moose for now... 


	10. Food Will Fly

Now you face the Lunchtime of Doom!!! I remember lunchtime... I also remember the food. I wish I didn't remember the food... ah well... READ ON!!  
  
*START YOUR MEESES!*  
  
It was now officially lunchtime and Zim followed along on the outskirts of the child herd. Upon entering the spacious foodening room, Zim paused, reading that the daily dose of poison would come in the flavor of Mayonnaise and Meatloaf.  
  
"Do I..." Zim began to ask the passing Dib.  
  
"No, you don't have to actually eat it."  
  
"... good" Zim replied, making haste in getting his tray and taking a seat. This government approved Meatloaf smothered in Mayonnaise with a side of peas was not a taste bud tantalizing sight. Zim situated a healthy portion of the substance on his plastic spoon and aimed with military precision. (RANDOM NOTE OF NESS: the first time I ever got in trouble in school was for flicking peas!) Zim released his ammunition which sailed through the air with a slightly forward spin.  
  
The gelatinous item dipped and came to a violent splatty halt. The fact that Zim's poor aim had caused it to only sail partially across the room and land between tables was now irrelevant for a child was screaming out a deadly phrase all know they will one day hear if frequenting cafeterias, but fear greatly...  
  
"FOOD FIGHT!" Zim stared on like a deer caught in headlights as a hundred spoon wielding kids of varying ages targeted him. Thousands of food particles came careening his way and Zim ducked as quickly as his mind could process a reaction.  
  
Alas, Zim's responses were merely average and he was broadsided by oddly sticky mayonnaise. A second reaction was to seek shelter under his table as the air filled with flying, government approved filth. Once safely concealed, Zim surveyed the scene.  
  
"Ha! The filth, it's everywhere! If I, with my amazing speed, could not avoid the onslaught, Tak didn't have a chance!" Zim bit his upper lip as he continued to search the crowd. This is when Zim heard it...  
  
Glaring through the crowds and flying food stuffs, Zim finally saw his horrible enemy standing safely at the room's entrance. This wouldn't have been so angering, if it wasn't for the laughing and pointing. That was the real perturbing force. Zim's spiteful thinking was interrupted by a resonating vibration.  
  
Out stepped a largely woman into the unfriendly zone of food wars. I wouldn't describe her face as being covered in grotesque, hairy moles, rather I'd describe it as a mole. Her hair, though old and moldy, was loosely tucked into a hair net and the apron that somehow encircled her girth, was splattered with old stains from the pieces of various animal organs. She balled her chubby fists and slammed a heavy foot down before shrieking out in a grating voice.  
  
"Stop Wasting the FOOD!" With the sheer utterance of this statement, everyone froze as the final few food chunks completed their journeys. What resulted was a massive burning of the entire affected area. The chemicals couldn't be allowed to get out. As for the students, they were forced into lavatories, to attempt cleansing before reentering class.  
  
Luckily for Zim, most of the sticky substance known as mayonnaise had been removable, though there was still some residue. The classroom now stank of the putrid substance and even Ms Bitters seemed to despise the odor. Only Tak sat perfectly clean. She didn't seem to be in such high spirits thought. Zim deducted that the smell must be almost unbearable with her slightly heightened olfactory sense.  
  
"You all smell!" the ancient teacher put it bluntly. "You will go outside for the remainder of class." One child's face contorted into a miserable, horrible face of shock.  
  
"What about our essays?" came the worried individual.  
  
"Due at the end of class!" Tak glanced to the window and back to her teacher.  
  
"But won't we get wet?" she said warily.  
  
"Yes, now go!" Zim perked at the idea. This was going to be good after all. Another herd was assembled and sent to the great, wet, cold, wet outdoors.  
  
'Tak can no longer escape her doom! Once the water substance has thoroughly incapacitated her, I will steal the cure! '  
  
"Ahahahahahaha!" Zim paused. The children were looking at him in that way again. The laughing slowed and subsided... Zim continued with the others outside.  
  
"Arh, I can't believe this!" Zim exclaimed as he tried to write his report on a soggy and soiled sheet of paper.  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Dib remarked casually, busy with a report of his own.  
  
"Out of all the wetness out here, she had to find a place lacking in that very thing!" Zim glared... it wasn't fair. That abhorrent bitch! There was a bright side to all this. The mayo residue had worn off, perhaps due to the slight amount of acid in the rain. Several of the other children were also coming clean of their repugnant stench.  
  
Tak stood near the door, under the overhang. This was a dry place. The cold front and increasing humidity wasn't seemingly bothering her. Zim pondered pushing her into the weather.  
  
"At least she's not doing her report! Maybe the Bitters woman will punish her, gratuitously!"  
  
"Zim, that's illegal."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's illegal for school teachers to punish their students gratuitously."  
  
"It is?" Zim suddenly rose from his sitting position on the ball court, nearly fifteen yards from the overhang and yelled out into the weather. "Curse you Tak!" Tak's response was to point and laugh.  
  
"I can't Stand This!" Zim began pacing back and forth on the rain soaked concrete.  
  
"And you know what else I can't stand? THIS!!!" Zim point an index finger to his saturated hair which was in his eyes. Dib hadn't gotten up, in fact he began to mull over how Zim had followed him to court and was now ranting.  
  
'I wonder if he thinks I'm listening to everything he's saying...'Dib mused as Zim continued ranting on how much he hated all of humanity and water and squirrels. Dib had actually caught that last part and began to wonder... why squirrels?  
  
"...And this thingy we must write! I hate IT!" Finally, Zim seemed to have run out of things to hate and had seated himself on the ground Indian style, resting his chin on his balled up fists and glaring daggers at Tak.  
  
"Smirky fool..." Zim stated, all the enthusiasm for his cursings drained. Zim stayed like this for a while before promptly getting up and marching in Tak's direction.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing?" Dib exclaimed, catching motion out the corner of his eye.  
  
"Somethin'" Zim snapped as he raked a hand through his wet hair and did his best to look intimidating while trodding towards his enemy.  
  
*END... I don't know who won the moose race...*  
  
Musta been a photo finish cause I really don't know... ANYWAY, what the MOOCH is Zim going to do?  
  
...  
  
VIACOM owns the wonderful creation of Jhonen Vasquez which is Invader Zim. Go buy a JTHM trade... 


	11. Deciding what to do

And here we are with another chapter of stuffs. I'm all excited over the fact that I have cable internet access for the week, but I'm rambling about things that mean nothing to the story so... read on. -I own not-  
  
*Start it Already!*  
  
Tak watched Zim's approach: squish, squish, slip, thud, squish, squish... The cool expression on her face only fueled his rage. Tak didn't intend to abandon her position, leaning against one of the double doors. Zim came under the walkway and, once again, did something about the hair in his face.  
  
"Well hello, Tak!" Zim seethed as he positioned himself for his ingenious plan.  
  
"Hello Zim," she stated boredly. "What do you want?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what I aaahAAH!!" That last part was Zim's unexpectedness. For, at the very moment he had planned to send Tak to her rainy doom, the other door had swung open. Zim was not only hit by this door, but knocked out of the doorway completely, causing him to land in a puddle of mud.  
  
The opener of the door had been their teacher, Ms Bitters.  
  
"Inside!" she bellowed to the sodden children. "Seeing as the stench has been removed, you will be removed from this potentially enjoyable experience."  
  
Tak made for the door, pausing to point and laugh at Zim a final time.  
  
Dib walked into the classroom, placing Zim's rain soaked paper on his desk before going to his own. Call it an act of niceness, Dib just didn't want to witness Zim's mental breakdown when he returned to class realizing he'd forgotten that paper. Zim can get really loud...  
  
Zim stomped in moments after Dib, leaving mud trails behind... He angrily sat at his seat, not seeming to care about the hair in his face, or the giggling children who, though no less saturated, found comedy in Zim's being covered with mud.  
  
"Now, class will be over in five minutes! Your papers are due!" as the virtual dinosaur made her way around the class, she took the soaked papers in.  
  
'Tak doesn't have a paper' Zim's mind suddenly sparked. The teacher had long since passed his desk and received his essay. He now waited for it to be Tak's turn. It was, and she brought up a perfectly dry sheet to hand in. Zim seethed.  
  
Dib turned around and glared at Tak. He knew she and Zim had been making odd exchanges all day, but had thought it safe to not get involved. It was easier to listen for secret plan unveilings, a topic all Irkens seemed over enthused to talk about.  
  
"If any of you make Any sound before the ringing of that bell, I will make sure you suffer horribly" Ms Bitters croaked.  
  
Tak seemingly found this perfect gloating time and revealed the syringe she had carefully concealed in her Pak. Zim's eyes followed the movement of the precious item. Tak then made threatening gestures as if to stab Dib with it. This made Zim visibly wince.  
  
Dib wondered what Tak was doing... Zim was making some very odd faces. As inquisitive as the boy was, he couldn't help but look back, seeing the syringe Tak was now sliding a nail across. Dib reacted quickly, reaching out to grab the item while still maintaining silence.  
  
It was kinda amusing to see Dib, Tak's boot in his face, arms flailing up and down mere inches from her face as she held the syringe in her right hand and glared at Zim, this is if you weren't on the receiving end of that glare. Zim's left eye twitched slightly.  
  
Suddenly, the skool bell found the appropriate amount of time had lapsed and rang. Tak kicked Dib away, while replacing the cure in her Pak and getting up to leave. Dib winced and got up. He'd tried... he didn't know why, but he had tried.  
  
Upon exiting the building, he saw Tak leaving in her private jet, somehow avoiding the rain that still fell. Zim hadn't been watching this for Dib saw him up ahead, walking away from the skool.  
  
"Hey, where are you going?" Dib asked, making an attempt to catch up.  
  
"Home. Maybe I can convince the computer I'm one of Gir's plush monkeys." Zim stated blandly.  
  
"But won't you get incinerated?"  
  
"Probably..."  
  
"Wait! Why don't we go after Tak?"  
  
"The incineration thing won't hurt."  
  
"How many people have lived to tell you it won't hurt?" Zim paused.  
  
"Eh, that Is a good point."  
  
"Look, if we work together, we can defeat Tak! ... You'll get your cure and the world will be safe! It's a compromise..." Zim paused and pondered.  
  
"You do have a point there..." Zim pivoted and returned to his walking.  
  
"Where are you going now?!"  
  
"We'll need lasers if we're going to attack Tak!"  
  
"But your computer... You'll never get in!"  
  
"Yes I will..."  
  
"You'll need a distraction."  
  
Gir was sitting on the couch, immersing himself in an episode of Happy Tree Friends when he heard a rustling outdoors. He feigned a look of seriousness and hopped off the couch. Gir then looked out the window to see Dib, hopping up and down in the gnome field. It looked odd.  
  
Suddenly, the front door burst open only to be immediately slammed shut. Zim, very much panting, now leaned against the barrier. Gir made noises of joy as mechanical hands came down from the ceiling. Zim screamed and ran for the kitchen, Gir followed for bliss. Zim only glanced back at the arm once, before leaping into the garbage bin, Gir hanging from his coattails. Zim found himself doing a horrible little roll out of the tubing, Gir tumbling much further, hitting a nearby wall. Zim was to his feet immediately, scouring for weapons as red lights flashed throughout the area.  
  
Gir curled himself off the wall and watched as Zim scrambled around the area.  
  
"This ought to be enough!" he paused and exclaimed, though there was no one around. Lasers fired around Zim and he immediately began search for an exit point. It didn't take long for him to make it to the ground level, popping up from under the sofa. Zim dashed for the door, weaponry in hand. He opened it, made his first leap to the outdoors, and was nabbed... by a robotic arm. A shrill electric shock made Zim drop all his tools as the arm tossed him from the house.  
  
Zim rolled and inevitably landed on his back at the end of the walk, where Dib had been hiding behind the gate.  
  
"That didn't go so well." Zim winced and leaned up, looking back at the house... door still open and lasers sitting just outside the threshold. A quartet of gnomes glowed an eerie red as they stared at the two. Gir looked out at them from the doorway.  
  
"Gir," Zim ordered. "Bring the lasers to me..." Gir stared.  
  
"Nuuh!"  
  
"Gir, just bring those things in front of you here." Gir pointed; Zim nodded. Gir made an attempt to pick up the small load and succeeded.  
  
"Good Gir, now bring them here." Gir, with weapons, stared.  
  
"Nuuh!"  
  
"Gir! Bring Now!!"  
  
"You have to say pleeeaaase!"  
  
"Fine, Please, bring the lasers to Zim!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The lasers, Pleeze bring them here!" Gir giggled, but finally complied, running down the sidewalk.  
  
Gir was caught off guard when he slipped and fell forward, dropping his cargo. One of the lasers went off, shooting inches above Zim's head. Zim ducked as a response and then growled at his robot.  
  
"Come on!" Gir snickered as he went about picking them up again. This time, he was able to make it to Zim without incident.  
  
"Gee Zim, are you're exchanges with that robot always... this... way?"  
  
"No! Gir is a great henchman. Like he never runs off..." Zim needed to take the time to look around for his henchman, because Gir had already made it across the street and was chasing a neighborhood cat.  
  
"Is that why he's way over there?" Zim looked beyond Dib, to his neighbor's yard.  
  
"Gir!" The robot turned, cat tail hanging from his mouth.  
  
"Get over here!" With a disgusting sound, he removed the feline, setting it on the ground. The wet, confused creature blinked. Gir smiled and hopped across the street towards Zim, tackling him to the ground once in range.  
  
"Tha human came back!" he squealed as Zim stood. Gir remained on his master's waist. Zim looked down at the bot and tried to pry him off.  
  
"No Gir," he struggled. "Your master that is Me has returned." Finally, he was free of the slavebot. Gir looked up at Zim with the eyes of that dog suit as if someone had stolen his couch.  
  
"Master gone away... Why won't master come home?" Zim gave an empathetic look and, remembering the verbal battle of before, decided Gir was never going to understand completely.  
  
"Zim, you're robot's dumb..." Dib stated.  
  
"No he's not! He's Advanced!" Zim retaliated.  
  
"No... He's special, as in slow."  
  
"Advanced! The Tallest told me so and they would never lie..."  
  
"Maybe they would, because that thing is definitely Not advanced." Zim glare at his bot and then darkly at the Dib.  
  
"I'm going to end this train of thought right now... Come! We must plot!" Zim snapped, index finger raised.  
  
*k... no more for now...*  
  
And there you have it... my site's been on the blink for the past few days due to a weak attempt at trying to get more bandwidth, but is now back up. -continues her search for a better server- Shooming now. 


	12. bleh

*Bee bee bee beeeegin!*  
  
The long road to planning led them back to Dib's house where they had to start from scratch on finding out Tak's location. The previous 'base' had obviously been a decoy. She might have used it to house her operations at one time, but nothing was there anymore.  
  
"Okay, so her jet was heading east... and this article about the weenie corporation says there's a new stand opening..." Dib was seated at his computer console and surfing the net, Zim, reading over his shoulder.  
  
"That's by the ocean! She's crazy!"  
  
"Yeah, I kinda figured that, but it's the best lead we've got! What if she's planning to do something to the oceans?"  
  
"But the oceans don't Do anything! They're full of salt water; humans can't utilize that!" Dib stared oddly at Zim.  
  
"Zim, there's a lot of uses for the ocean... for one it's a source of food and..." Zim displayed a look of utter confusion. "You know what, I'm not even going to try to explain it." Zim blinked.  
  
"So... the ocean. It's going to take us a while to get there..."  
  
"Not if we take Tak's ship!"  
  
"Ha! I can't wait till she finds out we're using her own devices against her!" Zim rubbed his hands together. "Sweet victory..."  
  
"It's in the garage; come on." Zim looked outdoors where it was obviously still day, albeit a rainy day.  
  
"Right now? Won't that seem a bit conspicuous?"  
  
"So?"  
  
"You're right... who cares?"  
  
And with that, Zim and Dib blast off into the sky, heading for their only lead.  
  
Meanwhile, at the Weenie Base, Tak plotted:  
  
"Zim won't even notice his defeat until it has been secured, and that Dib child... he is inconsequential. Once I evaporate the oceans, the humans will bow... all of them." Tak watched from an overhanging catwalk as machines busied themselves with completing her dehydration system.  
  
The entire apparatus was situated at the bottom of a bay in this small town. This would, in deed, make it much harder to get to, were there any complications, and the aide of robotic machines meant Tak didn't have to personally put herself in jeopardy. Right now, she was watching the machines as they entered a hatch, hauling various apparatus' in their wake. This was their entrance to the underwater facility.  
  
Tak hated missing even a moment of Zim's torturous punishment, but her project was so near completion and she couldn't afford any setbacks. Water, such a horrible thing... and covering so much of the earth; this made it an optimum target. Humans and their dependence on such was just an added bonus.  
  
The tricky part of her plan was that viral agent she used to manipulate Zim's cells. Tak was no scientist and had never held a love for the field. This is why she allowed computers to devise a majority of the concoction. Her first design for it had been one that would not only make an Irken human, but would considerably lower the specimen's intelligence. This was scrapped, however, in favor of the one that was used. She didn't think he'd be able to appreciate her design, not with a considerably low IQ.  
  
Tak's plans were perfect; nothing could touch her. Even if Dib and Zim were able to uncover her base of operations, they had no means of travel that could get them here on time to do anything other than witness the rise of Irken rule. She could feel secure in that, unaware of the threat that was very near... in fact, less than a mile from her present location.  
  
Tak's ship had made a rather harsh landing. In order to assure themselves a ride homeward when all this was over, the two had decided the best place to land the cruiser was near a hydroelectric plant. By the time security cameras picked it up, they would be long gone. This left them with the painful task of walking the rest of the way to Tak's base whose location they were unsure. Either they had assumed wrongly, or Tak had decided to make her base a less conspicuous size.  
  
The two boys now walked along a sidewalk, bordering the ocean. This led straight to the heart of town, as well as several thriving businesses. Zim couldn't help but stare out at the blue mass with a growing unease. True, he didn't have a weakness to the fluid anymore, but the sheer size of it all was a bit intimidating.  
  
"... so if we continue this way, we should come across a lot of businesses, and if Tak's plan Does involve the ocean, then she'll want to be close to it." Dib, always thinking of the plan...  
  
"Why would anyone want to be close to that... thing?" Dib remained ignorant of that statement, as well as Zim's fear as he continued pondering what security systems Tak was likely to have.  
  
*STOP!! Don't go any FURTHER!!*  
  
Nyeh... we're getting through this thing now... I should finish writing the ending... OKAY!! So... I dun own. You know that. I think this'll be my last fanfic for a while. I'm going to start writing out my plots... like Meep and the such. I wanna write a backstory for Meep since I've finished on character and species development on him.  
  
Moose on your head. I'm shooming!  
  
*RR?* 


	13. 

They're going! They're GOING!!! No to see the wizard tho... NOPE!! More like an evil tyrant wannabe...  
  
*Okay...you can start now... really...*  
  
At length, Zim yawned. In doing this very commonplace activity a bit of shock had arrested his attention.  
  
"Why did I just do that?" he questioned aloud in between blinks of confusion.  
  
"Well, it's not like we had the chance to get more than a few hours' sleep last night." Dib replied, momentarily pausing from his musings.  
  
"Yes... sleep..." Zim suddenly began to realize how worn he was feeling. "So why am I doing this *insert fake yawn here* thing and you're not?"  
  
"Because I had a coffee this morning and soda at lunch."  
  
"Coffee and soda?"  
  
"Caffeine, it's good for keeping awake."  
  
Zim shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to dispel the dull throb that had begun to form there.  
  
"Where would one acquire one of these caffeine enhanced beverages?"  
  
"We're going to a weenie stand Zim; I'm sure they have something there."  
  
Zim sighed, and lightly shook his head, dismissing all thoughts of sleep and trod onward.  
  
Eventually, the beach-combing path led them to a commercially zoned area, littered with trendy boutiques, fast food establishments, and souvenir shops in the shape of giant horse-shoe crabs. And there, at the very far corner of the infinitely long strip of local proprietorships, was the weenie stand.  
  
Zim demanded soda while incessantly expressing a hatred for his own humanity. Dib was honestly thinking about thwacking Zim upside the head. Being human couldn't be that bad; he'd always been one and couldn't really sympathize with Zim's arguments, especially the one about how squirrels were somehow taunting him on the basis that he was homo sapien. Dib relented to Zim's request and the two walked into the new yet somehow dingy food place.  
  
Obviously, being tired and thinking about it had two very different effects on the body. The first merely assures that you seem more sedated in your actions, while the latter is a slow wearing process that leaves you fighting its taunts with every ounce of your free will. Zim had succumb to the latter. The way Dib had spoken up sodas made them sound like a powerful one-shot miracle drink which was exactly what Zim thought them. His first sip of the highly acidic beverage had him thinking he was once again Irken, till he realized that the burning of his throat was completely intentional, caused by evil beverage dictating trend setters. He pondered how they had done it to spite him and how he would shortly have his revenge...  
  
Dib hadn't been paying attention to Zim as he acquired his drink and slurped at the concoction. He was more intent on watching the small surveillance camera that should have been pointing at the pickup window and not his head. He looked over at Zim, who had submitted to the sugary syrups contained in his poop soda (that name is such a put off).  
  
"Uhm... Zim?" were the only words he was able to mutter as a very robotic fry cook jumped the counter, obviously attempting their capture.  
  
Zim's eyes grew wide as he uttered a forced 'Mmm!' through the drink's straw. Both boys ran for the glass doorway while the restaurant's patrons paid them no heed. Their egress was blocked, however, by even less human guards who forcefully grabbed the pair by their shoulders and hoist them into the air.  
  
Zim dangled there, still taking the liberty of sipping his soda while Dib kicked and flailed in the robot guard's grasp. The two hulking pieces of machinery took them around to the back of the weenie place and forced them into what appeared to be garbage cans, but what were, in all actuality, dark metallic chutes. Needless to say, there was much flailing and screaming as the two boys were deposited into a lavender tinted room. Dib was first to be ejected from the room's only visible entrance, landing on his stomach. Zim soon followed, falling atop Dib, which only caused them much pain.  
  
"Well if it isn't the two humans coming to save the earth." Tak's voice echoed into the room.  
  
"Ow" Dib moaned as Zim was suddenly to his feet and pointing domineeringly at the ceiling.  
  
"Tak!" I don't think the caffeine had kicked in yet; this outburst could most appropriately be accredited to adrenaline and the fact that Tak had insinuated Zim's 'helping' to save the world he so loathed.  
  
"I have to give you two humans credit. I didn't think you'd be here so soon, but I am disappointed in your performance thus far. You made your capture very easy."  
  
Zim was to blame and Dib knew it. He glared darkly, but went unnoticed by his circumstantial ally who was caught up in his own little world.  
  
"Tak, if you call me one more time I'll..." A yawn of boredom came from the other end.  
  
"I'd love to spend all day talking with you lower life forms, but my plan to dehydrate the earth's oceans has come to its climactic splendor and I can't be bothered by inconsequential prattle. I'll inform you when the governments of your world..."  
  
"This Isn't My World!!"  
  
"...have been overturned. Until then, tata!" And with that, the room fell silent... except for Zim's incessant shouts.  
  
"Tak...Tak!" He paused for a beat, waiting her response; there was none. "Tak you...BITCH!" There was a long pause where Zim took in what he had just said. "I'm using human expletives!" It was then that panic set in..."Tak!" he exclaimed once more, this time banging on the lavender sheet metal wall of the holding cell.  
  
*NO MORE!!!*  
  
Well... not really, but you CAN stop reading for now... heh Don't you wonder how they'll get OUT?! Well... as always, I don't own this and am off to do OTHER things... yup...  
  
*shifty glances all around*  
  
moosen 


	14. oO

Hah hah... nother chapter. I should be getting around to writing that ending... Time, time... such a pressing thing... I can almost count the days till my departure to college on my fingers... animation will be a fun profession...  
  
*BEGIN THE READENING!!*  
  
Dib ignored his comrade, Entirely, and began looking for a way out of their current situation. I shouldn't have said Dib was ignoring Zim entirely, because he's rather loud. The truth is that Dib was trying with all his might to ponder some way out, but the nevermore invader was interrupting his thought process.  
  
"Zim, could you be quiet? I'm trying to figure a way out!"  
  
"It's right over there" Zim stated nonchalantly.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"All these cells are made the same. I've had plenty of friends get put in these. All you have to do to get out is pry off the sheet metal in the third corner congruent with the angle of the entryway. It's a design flaw."  
  
"Then let's go!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Escape... and stop Tak..."  
  
"Oh right!" Zim, suddenly realizing that his plethora of knowledge wasn't always useless, made for the spot he had specified and tried to work his fingers into the metal seams.  
  
This, unsurprisingly, posed futile and Zim stepped back, scratching his head.  
  
"Zim?" the boy cocked his head to the side. "The guns" Dib stated surely.  
  
"Lasers" Zim corrected, as he pulled out the concealed weapon and aimed it at the sheet metal. Dib watched as the lavender material slowly warped and melted onto the floor. Zim, seemingly not waiting for the newly liquidized metal to cool, reached for the exposed panel, getting a nasty surprise when the heated surface burned his hand. This gave way to shrieking and many an expletive. Dib merely sighed and shook his head.  
  
Tak was very happy about the recent turn of events. Sure it made her uneasy to have her enemies so close, but at least she knew they were securely locked away and out of the picture.  
  
"Hurry up!" she shrieked to one of the robotic workers as it and its compatriots hauled a hollow cylinder into the mechanized hatchway. Time was a pressing thing and she didn't care to waste it. Her defeat had taught her a thing or two about delaying.  
  
"You're moving too slow!" she exclaimed with a growl. She stared with anticipation at a large overhead display screen. It depicted a series of Irken numerals which were slowly, too slowly for her, cycling down to the defeat of humanity.  
  
Meanwhile, Zim had reserved himself to not burning himself further. Instead, he forced Dib to do the laborious task of emptying the panel of its wiring and other obstructive elements. Dib didn't like being ordered around.  
  
"Pain!" Zim exclaimed, while gesturing to his hand.  
  
"It's not even red anymore! You know more about this than I do. You should do it!" Zim glared at the boy who was making little progress.  
  
"Fine!" he exclaimed, pushing Dib out of the way and grasping a rather large piece of the impediment, ripping it from its holding. A few more seconds of digging into the wall and he had broken the other side of the barrier. Zim crawled his way through first, followed by Dib. As the boys cleared their enclosure, both took in their new surroundings. The oppressively light lavender room had given way to a dark purple one laced with wires and mostly encased in shadows.  
  
Zim rushed to this new room's doorway, swerving to the side so he could glance around the corner before proceeding. At this juncture, stealth was definitely called for. Dib followed behind Zim, with covert skill.  
  
Zim leaned out from their cover and looked into the next room. It was similar to the last, yet not so darkly shaded, thus diminishing their cover. Zim's eyes fixated on a cluster of Irken symbols which he read aloud.  
  
"Evaporation Device this way..." He rushed out into the chamber, darting for the nearest cover. Dib waited a moment, checking to make sure he wouldn't be detected and bolted to another nearby hideaway, checking to make sure the next move would be a safe one. He then signaled to Zim, leaving them both to proceed forward in search of new cover.  
  
Zim slunk down in the shadow of a ceiling wire and glared forward into the next entryway. All appeared safe and he rushed forward, oblivious to the wall mounted lasers which shot at his heels as he hurried across the expanse. Zim turned to shoot at the offending devices. In doing so, he was not watching his path, which was soon obstructed by a large robot as the type that had nabbed him and Dib in the restaurant. Zim ran headlong into it, falling backward onto the grey-tinged purple floor tiles. He looked up to see the machine's left arm shift into a laser riffle which was pointed directly at his head.  
  
"Gasp!" Yes, he quite literally said gasp... and a few milliseconds preceding this utterance, a solitary laser bolt came forth and hit the robot directly in the optics. It swung back violently, surprised by the solitary beam. Zim quickly brought forth his own laser and shot the thrashing robot four times directly in the chest plate. It dipped and swung a bit before falling motionless in front of its attacker.  
  
Zim glanced back at Dib whose laser was held out nervously. Zim rushed for his next cover as Dib composed himself and made across the floor. Using a paintball or water gun was one thing, but shooting an actual lethal weapon was a bit different. Dib glanced nervously at the laser he held in his grip. He hadn't expected to use it.  
  
*DONE!*  
  
Oh yes, I don't own anything here, you know... disclaimers happen... 


End file.
